We knew the risks of adopting through CPS. We knew what kind of child we could get. We knew lots of things. However, actually living through it changes it considerably. It changes from what we “knew” to “living it out”. I guess that is how every spiritual journey with God ends up. The faith that we have in God has grown to new levels that we have never experienced. We have also developed personally and I am finally letting go of things God has intended for me to leave behind months ago.
We got word that there is a family member that is interested in Miss D. My heart has literally hurt from the time we got the phone call about it. Now, anything can happen and that family might not pass the home study. We have walked through so much in the past 3 months with her. We have continued to care for her medical needs. We also have figured out her emotional needs and are taking steps to help her. This could be an awesome Christian family but in the event that they are not, I have to trust that God has a plan. No matter what I think would be better for her… He is ultimately in control.
For those who are currently in our shoes and fostering to adopt…God has lead us through some awesome material and therapy for Miss D. that is amazing. Within one week she is calmer. She is actually thought to be one year behind emotionally, but right on developmentally, which makes a weird combination. This obviously has lead to the hardship we have faced the last couple of months. From the lack of nurturing, a child’s brain develops differently causing a lack of regulation emotionally. She is just unable to regulate herself much like a 2 year old, yet she is 3 years old.
Karyn Purvis, who has written the popular, “The Connected Child”, has lots of different techniques in her book in which we have used. I will have to admit that when we first read the book and applied it to Miss D, I thought it was crazy. I wanted to discipline her just like my other three year old. Somehow I thought I was smarter than the one person who has studied troubled kids for years. However, as time has gone on and I see why it makes more sense and why we have to use her methods.
The one thing that has turned our lives around in this past week is making a detailed schedule for her. Now I am a very scheduled person, but the free play for 15 or 20 min that I would allow her was actually causing the problems. I have spent time putting together activity bags that have different objectives. I focus on sensory, fine motor, matching, letters and numbers right now. We do those bags a couple times a day, which are pretty low energy combining those with high-energy activities surrounding them. Check out Theraplay.org for more information on this. I am still defining what our days look like, but I am hoping that we can move forward with these techniques.
Check out empoweredtoconnect.org also for great videos and resources.
If you are in the Houston area, check out HFBC Adoption Ministry for a 6 week Adoption/Foster Care Camp for 6 consecutive weeks on Wednesday nights that they will hold in the spring. If you need any further info, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.