Monday, October 10, 2011

Heavenly Sandpaper

The past two months have flown by so fast since our CPS placement...Miss D. I don't think I will ever forget that day when we got the phone call. I was on my way back from Dallas and we got the "call". It came around 2pm and at 6pm she was at our house. I have no recollection of driving home that day. It was such a blur!

The thought of the "call" made me very nervous before that. I did not know how to figure out which child God wanted us to have. We could say "yes" or "no" to any call. After much anxiety, we finally concluded that when they called us and if the child fit what we agreed to with Arrow, then we would say "yes". God was in the middle of it and He was in control and He was not going to keep dangling kids in front of us that He did not intend for us. (at least, that is how we saw it.)

When they told us that they had a red-headed, freckled, three year old girl...quite frankly I was shocked! I just knew that we would get a different race because we were open to it. We told God that we wanted to be radical and to stretch us. Well, race is not how He wanted to stretch us. 
For three years of Miss D's life she did what she wanted and had zero discipline. Parents, let that soak in...ZERO. Oh, and she was also the only child. Put that in our family with established boundaries and two other kids and you almost have a lethal combination. We had many days of hitting...some biting...and LOTS of screaming.

I was at the end of myself many days, putting up my white flag in desperation for God to intervene in our family, questioning God in every step. One night, I bawled my eyes out before the Lord, asking Him boldly to help me, empower me, change me, use me, and save me from the ugliness in me and in her.

The next day I woke up and realized that God used us to rescue Miss D out of the life she was in, but He is using Miss D to sandpaper the fire out of us. I had no idea this would be the case to the full measure it has been but I am grateful for what He has taught me. I am not exactly proud of some of the sanding...but God's grace is abundant and never runs out. Even as I write this tonight, after a day of frustration, I am reminded that God uses the unlovely to reach the unlovely. Only God can turn that around for us to receive the blessing in the end. 

Would I change our decisions now? Nope. In eight weeks we have seen major improvement and I can ONLY attribute this to the Lord walking with us through every step. It's exciting to see her not using curse words, eating with a fork, learning memory verse, saying "yes ma'am", calling us mommy and daddy, sleeping on her own, limited hitting, and no biting. It really is amazing.

We would still say "yes" to our freckled red head.

If you or someone you know are walking through fostering to adopt like we are and can relate, I would love to hear from you.  ( I would love to encourage and be encouraged!

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